Grieving the loss of a pet is not binary but a spectrum

 Bidhu K Mohanti

For nearly two months now, a friend of mine, who lives in Hertfordshire county between London and Cambridge, is in profound grief after the loss of his pet dog named Raja. During a few short visits, I had strolled with both of them in the greens of the English countryside. My friend is a psychiatrist and a painter. He sent a small note to a few of his close friends with a painting of Raja, “His name was quite apt, as he really lived like a king. He was probably the only dog in the village, who roamed in public places without a lead. We were so fortunate to have him for 11 years, three months and eleven days. After a brief illness, while playing with the ball in the park he suddenly collapsed and died.  Our life is now left with a void and the house feels utterly empty.  For he was more than a child to us; unlike the children, he never grew up!”

[Portrait painting of Raja who died at Hertfordshire, UK on 21 April 2016]

This brought back the memories of two family tragedies which struck within one week, twenty years back. Father was a police officer and we always had dogs and other pets in the house. In our house at Chauliaganj, Cuttack we had an open courtyard and a well and my father always opposed the idea of closing these immovable assets for sake of modernising the layout. One afternoon, my father died while shaving his face. His body was taken out of the house and cremated. Three days later, unnoticed by the grieving family members, father’s pet dog Roamy climbed the stairs, jumped down into the courtyard quietly and was found dead.

The above two junctures bring out our non-human relationships. The biological concepts of human to pet relationship get strengthened by the oft quoted sentences, “man’s best friend”, and “pet is family”. In their shared space within a house, pets influence the day’s routine, fostering uniquely separate bonds with members in the family. A recent survey in USA showed that nearly three in five Americans have at least one pet in the household, with ownership highest among the younger generations of Millennials and Gen-X. The earliest known evidence of a domesticated dog is a jawbone found in a cave in Iraq and dated to about 12,000 years ago.Mahaprasthanika Parva of the Mahabharata, epic Indian mythology, describes the dog who accompanied Yudhisthir to the gate of Heaven. It was probably a pariah dog. National Geographic states that over the centuries, different domestic dog breeds have been nurtured depending upon the geography, climate and social environment. All these are members of the same species—Canis familiaris.  Although they have domestic temperaments, these dogs are related to wolves, foxes, and jackals.

People who have pets narrate the benefits to having a companion animal. The considerable emotional stakes of sharing the space and privacy appear to be intrinsically rewarding. One young man, with two small kids and both as working parents, said about his pet dog, “he is a big stress buster for the four of us”. Here, his pet is the common denominator that helps the four to connect. Scientific and psychosocial studies reveal proven impacts on physical and mental wellbeing of pet owners irrespective of the age group. However it is common knowledge that people do not own pets to enhance their health, they simply look to fill the house with warmth and joy. Advancing an appreciative understanding of human-animal relationship, medical and veterinary researchers delineate improved social connection, higher physical activity, and longevity in life for pet owners.

The grief in the loss of a parent, child, and spouse makes us cry, talk and carry out solemn offerings. In our grieving process, we get sympathy and condolences. Whereas to face the feelings and emotions in the death of a pet quite often become an individual’s lonely burden. Others may not understand the depth of sadness and a sense of void. The pet owner will go through a bereavement which can remain unnoticed. This grief is not exactly binary and can be a spectrum to recollect the bond, gestures, playfulness and moments of success and failure she/he shared with the lost pet. “Me and you and dog named Boo; travellin’ and livin’ off land....” words from a song of Lobo.      

Writer: Bidhu K. Mohanti is an oncologist. He was a Professor at All India Institute of Medical Sciences, AIIMS, Delhi; and presently works at Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurgaon, India.

Email: drbkmohanti@gmail.com